Connecting with the divine is second nature to me. Connecting with an individual spirit like Jason seems new, but on reflection it isn’t. I connect with the spirit of each person on a regular basis, when I am being present, in the moment. I’ve also connected with spirits of loved ones right after they dropped their bodies, and I forgot about that when I was writing Part 1 of this message. The first time I lost a dear person in my life was...

How do we communicate with the “other side”? I’m guessing the same ways we communicate and connect non-verbally with those alive, and more. I felt Jason’s presence at the Thanksgiving table when I joked about how our dear vegetarian Jason could join us for the first time in this wonderful meal without getting repulsed by the smell of meat. Humor was always a way we connected. I could sense his joy with everyone’s laughter and...

I’ve been celebrating Thanksgiving since Jason died, and it will always be Thanksgiving. I am so grateful for having had him in my life and I celebrate his life daily. He lives in his art that decorates our walls and his memorial website (www.plutonicfluf.com) , the music and silly recordings that fill my iphone and the CDs we are making, the funny home videos, the discovered poetry I continue to type up to be shared, the touching and...

Don’t Worry Be Happy Even though Jason might not have used that exact phrase, that was his mantra. He is telling me this quite loudly this morning. It’s also an old favorite song from an amazing musician Bobby McFerrin. I couldn’t remember his name, and I got it when I turned on Music Choice on my TV this morning – the first song was one by Bobby McFerrin. Another gift from spirit, aka Jason! Jason would tell me often not to worry. He...

California dreaming…..and triggers…. Being in San Diego this past week for a conference brought up a lot for me, and it felt like a dream. Last time I was in California was with Jason, and I was missing him so much. I was reminded of how much he liked California and saw himself going to college there. It reminded me of my dream to move somewhere warm and adventurous with Kule, like California, when Jason went to college next year. Maybe we...

Jason’s messages are universal, and I’m summarizing them for the “mainstream”; you don’t have to believe in life after death or psychic phenomena to benefit from them. I’ve distilled this down to 17, Jason’s earth age. I’m curious to get any comments on this, and if there is anything else you got from Jason’s 30 messages. They’ve helped me so much on my grieving journey. Many are reminders of what I’ve embraced, but how...

When Jason left his body it created a powerful energy wave, a tsunami. In its wake there has been chaos, cleansing, renewal, and miracles. A tsunami has destructive energy that reminds me of the goddess Kali. She destroys that which no longer serves us – the ego, old patterns, fears, and limitations to our evolution. She holds us in divine love through the chaos, giving us courage to ride the storm. I believe that when someone dies, enormous...

Jason always communicated with sound in interesting ways, since he was a baby. Did he choose me as a parent because his soul knew I am also connected with sound, and would co-found a sound healing organization (www.soundhealingnetwork.org, originally New England Sound Healing Research Institute, NESHRI)? Or did he influence my path? I’m guessing both. I am reflecting upon and exploring my connection with Jason through sound and music. I am...

I was feeling overwhelmed and out of balance. The universe was there to assist me, and I sprained my ankle. Time to slow down, put my feet up (literally), and really learn to trust in the balance. I literally lost my balance when my ankle gave out going down my front step 2 days ago. It’s a freaking living metaphor! The day before, I had worked on an affirmation to manifest this balance of work (that gotta start making money feeling of...

Jason means healer in Greek – or at least that what the baby name book said (a couple of Greek people challenged that definition, but I stick with it.) I loved the name Jason when I chose it, and I loved it even more when I found out what it meant. Jason didn’t relate to being a healer; his parents were healers, so why would he choose that word to describe himself?! He definitely believed in the healing he received by his parents and many...

Grief is as powerful and unpredictable as the ocean, and I find myself riding the waves and sometimes getting pulled under. Last night I attended a bereaved parents group (The Compassionate Friends) after a mixed day. It started out rough, crying uncontrollably about something I didn’t think was going to “get” me. I used to have a family. After Chuck and I got divorced I grieved the loss of the family unit; we had had a late miscarriage...

I am grateful for my connections with Jason and how much I am learning about how we connect. Jason I love watching movies together, good ones and bad ones (the latter gave us some good laughs). We stayed up late two nights ago watching a movie, hanging together like old times. We made good use of the Comcast Digital On-Demand we got when we moved to Ipswich. Since Jason passed, Kule and I haven’t been using it and we discovered we could save...

This isn’t the first time Jason died before me in life. Maybe that’s why I wasn’t surprised to get the news at the hospital, when I arrived after driving for almost one hour with no information other than Jason was in a bad accident. The hospital wouldn’t give us information; we found out later that’s because it was police jurisdiction – Jason had died at the scene and his body wasn’t at the hospital. I spent the entire drive...

I’ve been on this unanticipated incredible journey of accepting Jason’s passing. When I accept, I feel peace.When I resist, I suffer.The choice has been easy to make amidst the pain of loss, and yet my mind wants to figure out how I can possibly accept. These are some key beliefs that have helped me tremendously:1) Each soul has its time on earth, for many reasons clear and never to be known. It was Jason’s time, his soul had chosen this....

I’ve been hit by a huge wave that has thrown me underwater, churning in the surf, not knowing up from down. There’s a trust that I will reach the surface. There’s a strange feeling of peace being in this state of unknown, held by the waters of the earth. I cried and cried the last two days. Jason’s art show tribute brought it up again, wishing he could have been there to receive the wows and other comments about his photography and...

I believe at some unconscious level Jason knew his time on this earth was short. He wrote cryptic poems in the last few years of his life that appear to indicate this, most in the last couple of months. Jason always had a strong connection with the world of spirit and probably lived more there than in his body. His photography and music reflect this connection. He was already there when he dropped his body. I had premonitions this past year,...

Many of us believe in past lives and reincarnation. What about current lives? Years ago I was told I was a “walk-in” and that another soul took over at a big transition in my life. No way to prove any of it, of course. But why not? Things are always changing, and therefore death is always happening at many levels, creating space for new life. I feel I’m in a transition now, a new life starting. I believe it is a healthy way to be in the...

I am reminded of the power of gratitude. Often when I cry about Jason I feel the immense gratitude of having had him in my life, of continuing to feel his blessings. This feeling brings me joy and peace and carries me to a place of feeling abundance. I was reminded of how grateful I am for being in this place, and not in a place of devastation and despair as so many parents have experienced in the loss of a child, for years afterward. I attended...

This has been one of the hardest weeks, surrendering to another level of deep grief. Every time I get really low and can’t seem to get out of it, and I remember to ask for help, I get more and more confirmations that I am supported. The wave of grief turns into a wave of peace and love. 9/9/09 (3 days ago) was a day symbolizing death and rebirth. The ocean was intense – waves crashing, washing up dead birds and plenty of food for the...

How often have we been told that imagination is the opposite of reality? Let’s try this one on:Imagination creates reality. Gazing into the clouds today, I searched for angels and images of Jason’s energy and found them. What an imagination! And it felt good, too. Our beliefs create our reality; I’ve been studying this for some time, and last year with advanced courses with Avatar. We choose our beliefs, and therefore we choose the reality...

Nature has important messages for us and we can adjust our filters to get them. Messages come in so many ways, as Jason reminds me. Messages from Rocks I was struck by this in recent walks on Cranes beach on the rocky side on the way to the Ipswich River outlet across from Plum Island, a magical space that Jason liked hanging out in. The rocks and boulders have mystical colorings, patterns, engravings, and shapes that seem to want to tell us...

Dear friends,Sending emails to you and occasional calls (I haven’t found the time/energy for a lot of calls, but I would like to catch up with each of you soon) has been very supportive, knowing you are there in loving witness, receiving your healing energy. I am trusting in the divine flow. I am crying a lot, especially with little reminders about how special Jason was to me, from every corner of my home and memory. I’m really getting how...

It’s been a hard couple of days. I miss Jason. I’ve accepted his soul mission, the fact that he is at peace, and that I am so blessed, grateful, and inspired to have him in my life, however he is with me, now in spirit. But I miss him on this earth plane, so much. I’ve been apart for Jason for 3 weeks and now it is past that mark, and I’m feeling his absence intensely. I got a reality check when I went into town to pick up a few photos...

“The ultimate joy is in being.” I visited the message rocks on the beach yesterday to do some grieving. I was looking for a clear message, but I was open to not receiving anything in particular, just being with the mystical rocks. I found myself stroking the rocks with my bare feet, feeling the weathered patterns and mystical textures, gazing at the intricate patterns of nature’s art. I got in touch with Jason’s lightness and childlike...

“We are the bridges between the worlds of spirit and physical reality; there is no separation.” Jason was a natural bridge. He was always playing in the world of spirit, very comfortable and intrigued with the unknown. I used to describe his photography and music as ways Jason would take the mundane and describable and transform them into magical and indescribable. He also did this in his poetry (samples below). Looking back through my own...

“I am not separate from you. We are one.” I was seeking a way to discreate despair and I rediscovered one-ness. I don’t think I ever experienced despair before Jason died. I understand now how so many people who have lost dear ones, especially children, have felt their lives were ruined. So many immediately assumed that I would be devastated. I am so eternally grateful that these moments of despair are short-lived, existing long enough to...

“It’s not about the form; it’s about the formless.” I asked Jason to let the water wash away the grief and attachment to stuff that is prolonging suffering unnecessarily. The ocean water was warm enough today to stay in for a while. I looked up and saw a giant dove cloud and felt a message coming. Jason always knew how to get me to be completely in the moment, experiencing the micro-beauty of everything. I was playing with the water,...

“I am planting the seeds for spiritual growth in the future, in a way that the human nervous system can handle.” I had a profound connection with Jason two days ago during a flower essence journey with Bobbie Courtney. I want to share this with you now and it’s hard to get into the part of my brain that can write about it, so I may add more later. I would love to hear your reactions and insights. At the start of the session, I downloaded...

“When we play, we connect with our infinite nature; we are in the moment with joy.” Jason gave me a new message Saturday night when I was at one of my lowest times. I was asking to trust that I will understand the purpose of all of this.I immediately sensed him telling me about porpoise, and I knew it was him because Jason loved playing with words. A porpoise loves to play; there is also the submerge and emerge. (I am inspired to do more...

“Listen to your own messages.” Jason’s favorite number was 24, according to a school English paper he wrote 4 years ago. It feels like this is the last message – message 24 – and it’s from me. The messages I have been receiving have been very clear, coming from a high place, and overwhelming at times. However, they are not new messages; we receive these all the time and they are everywhere. The way I have been receiving them...

Listen to the youth, and capture their wisdom.” Yesterday I spread Jason’s remaining ashes in our favorite swimhole in the White Mountains, feeling the awe, joy, and beauty that Jason had felt when we would visit since he was 6. His ashes and rose petals flowed down the waterfalls he played with many times, and sank into the deep cold water that we had always jumped into, with squeals of cold and delight. Little glittery red hearts followed...

“Surrender to the healing” 5:05 AM5 = Magic, tuning into our spirit0 = Infinite being I awoke and heard “There’s Nothing Left.” Writing it now it means to me that there is nothing left to do but surrender. It has been 3 weeks since Jason passed away, with 21 messages, one per day. 2+1=33 = The new energy I’m feeling great peace and love, and now with a sense of calm. It’s the feeling I’ve had when I’ve completely surrendered...

10:38 PM1= One-ness0 = Infinity3 = The new energy8 = Courage “You are never alone.” I was very tired last night but too restless to sleep. I asked Kule to do some Reiki on my belly. Immediately I got visions of Buddhist teachers with ornate robes, gurus from many traditions, light beings, and a sense of many guides. I’m laughing now at my reaction to being surrounded by these powerful beings who so many seek for guidance. I told them I...

“We die every moment.” We are always changing and we take on and drop identities all the time. If we stay attached to having things stay the same or remaining a certain person, we suffer. In the past year Jason was having a rough time with illness and depression, and he started acting out his teen phase, pushing me away. It was hard for me having always had such a great connection with him, and I learned with some help that this was normal...

“I am always with you.”“Memories capture my energy and they are timeless.” Jason is telling and showing me that he is with me and that he will continue being in my life. I must have been having my doubts that this would last, flowing through the house in meditative searches of all memories of Jason that I can keep to remember him in case the spirit presence fades. Last night I received a present in the mail from a good friend of Kule’s...

“Don’t be afraid of nothing. There is nothing to be afraid of.”“Don’t be afraid of your own shadow.” When Jason was 10 years old, at the time Chuck and I were separating, he asked me to tell him a story in the middle of a blackout. He loved being told stories, especially “scary” ones at night. I was so amazed at the story that we co-created that I wrote it in my journal I kept about Jason. The story is attached. I had it next to...

“We are held” I have been held by the Divine Feminine for many years, and even more closely since Jason died. Last night I was drawn to pulling out a book from my bookcase that I didn’t know I had – a book that my friend Mary Stewart of Feng Shui Boston had put out on the free shelf – entitled “The Mary Magdalene Within” by Joan Norton (2005). I’ve had a wonderful connection with Mary Magdalene for the last several years. I only...

“We attract and create family.” Jason was an only child, but he had an extended family, extended in many directions. He created a community of friends wherever he was, he adopted close friends as brothers and sisters, he was adopted by the community of friends his parents created, he accepted his parents’ new romantic partners as extended family. Jason never had rules about family. He of course loved his genetic family, and loved others in...

Jason always asked “why”. Why are things the way they are and why do people believe things have to be a certain way? He was a true individual. We were reading an autobiography he did for an 8th grade project discussing his school trip to upstate New York (I’ll put that in the book – true to his character and, of course, funny.) He loved the chasm they visited, marveling at the stalactites and stalagmites, and took a photo of some very...

6:11 AM6 = Love11 = PortalThe portal of love “When we send love to others it is magnified and reflected back to us.” After finding Jason’s poetry yesterday in a pile of his 2-yr old stuff, I was very emotional and was asking myself why didn’t I see this before? Why did he keep this secret? Could I have done more to bring him out (he hated it when we showed him off to others)? Every time I had asked myself these questions in the past 2...

Jason woke me up at 2:20 AM (2 = Jason and me, 0 = infinity)– I wanted to sleep, but woke again at 2:42, then2:52 – He’s telling me to listen to my guidance (the 5)I went to sleep to catch up on rest, knowing I would get the guidance in the morning, then woke at:5:59 (The guidance will help me to Completion)6:02 and 6:20 6 = Love Yesterday we spread Jason’s ashes with Erin’s in Hull off the pier they used to jump off of, symbolizing...

2:00 AM2 = Jason and me0 = The InfiniteJason woke me up to remind me that we are both infinite beings. Yesterday Kule and I took a walk and swim on the beach late in the day as the sun was low and everything looked so incredibly beautiful and mystical, the way Jason’s photographs would capture almost anything. He has given me this gift. We stood at the end of the sandbar where the crosscurrents meet and it felt very powerful. Jason loved...

4:22 AM4 (The Trinity plus teachers) + 22 22 = 11+11 Two gateways I woke at 4:22 but wanted to sleep more, then get up when I saw the clock at 4:292 = Mom and Jason9 = Completion I’ve come full cycle with Jason. Last night I watched the video of his birth and released him back to whence he came, pure Spirit. It was very powerful for me, assisting with completion of the physical attachment. Last night as we were going to bed I wanted to talk...

1:45 AMI thought Message 10 was the last one – this one isn’t for the public yet, just for those who would understand. 11 = The gateway, twin pillars 1:45 AM:1 = One4 = The new energy (Jason, Erin, and you) and Teachers5 = Plus Guides There are many other guides, not just Jason, on the other side working to get the new energy out. 5 hit me earlier yesterday when I woke up abruptly from a nap at 5:00. There was no noise, just a burst of...

3:09 AM9 = the Teacher – Let’s teach by example9 = 3X3If we spread the message to at least 3 people and they in turn spread it to at least 3 people, it will spread very quickly and vastly as in the movie Pay It Forward (one of Jason’s favorite movies). Reflect on how special you are and how you follow your passion; meditate and ask for help to make sure you follow your passion.Remind at least 3 people how special they are, and help them to...

Sat 8/15, message ended at 3:13 AM3:13 = 3 + One + 33 = Jason + Erin + you (They are reincarnating inside each of us) This is the last message. 9 is Completion and the Teacher. This message is about Harnessing the New Energy. Jason wants us to answer these questions. Please pass this on. Please send me your thoughts/experience, and copy ben@liquidvoice.com for public sharing. 1. How did Jason touch you?2. How did Jason make you feel special?3....

Please share this with everyone, and send to Facebook, etc. 2:10 AM last night210 = Countdown to the Infinite0 = Hollow and Empty (the practice he did in the Art of Living Course (AOL) in July) He’s there. He’s here.So many messages and signs (more signs to share later) – now there’s no doubt he’s here. Jason – what do we need to know about the infinite? “Nothing – Just Be It. If you try to know...

Thurs 8/23 1:23 AM (1 day late – Mom needed rest) 1:23 = 123 It’s Easy – Celebrating Childhood and Living Life Fully “Thanks, Mom, you are listening. I used to tell you all the time this past year that you didn’t listen to me (when you thought you were and you had no idea what I was talking about). I was talking about a much deeper listening, not the words, and nothing the mind does.” I’m listening so...

At 11:11 (All One, as Kule noted – I think I’ve seen 11:11 almost every night since Jason died) I reflected on a very powerful day. Erin’s memorial service was a key time for me to grieve with another grieving mom, KT. We got there a little late and people led Chuck and me to her, as she interrupted the service to introduce us and have us sit with her. With a photo of Erin and Jason in front of us on the table (a photo we got...

3:53 AMJason loves me and his Dad so much, and loved our celebration last night. He loves Kule and wants him to know he’s glad he’s taking care of me. Jason saw how the ceremony brought joy and hope to his friends, not just close friends but people who didn’t know him well as well as my friends. He loved seeing everyone drumming and dancing for him, the way Jon held the space and put passion into the circle, and the way...

This one will be shared at the ceremony tonight. I’m so so honored to be Jason’s mom. 3:01 AMJason told me that I feel him strongly because he is embedded in my heart. If I hug someone they feel Jason’s love. If we both feel that love together we believe in this even more. I am not the only one – many have Jason embedded in their hearts, and anyone can, if they believe. He wants his friends to hug each other like he...

I woke up at 3 AM again; it’s lung time according to acupuncture – grief time. It’s also when I connect clearest with Jason. It was not as strong this time because he is focusing on his friends, helping them get through this hard time. I am telling them Jason is there for them, and I hope they really believe that. I asked Jason about the “new energy”. Erin’s friends would call it “One Love”....

I had another profound connection with Jason last night at 3 AM (same time as the night before, Jason always liked staying up late).Again, please keep this message sacred and forward to those who know Jason and would understand. Jason didn’t want to lose his youth, but he wasn’t afraid of getting older (as I had thought). His youth had a power for healing he had to share without a body. He made a soul contract to do this (of course...

Thank you for your prayers and healing energy – I feel you there with me. I’ll forward this to others at some point, but I don’t know who knows about Jason’s passing yet, although I’m sure word spreads fast. I had a profound connection with Jason last night, and I feel you will understand. It’s important that I pass this on to you ASAP. Please treat this as a sacred message. I wasn’t able to sleep until...