Grieving Affirmations

I was feeling agitated yesterday that I’ve had to go through all of this, losing my son, losing my only child, losing the opportunity to see him further flourish in life, and dealing with the grief and all the emotions and energy that come with all of it (with a sprained ankle thrown on top of the pile). I was tired, after working so hard to prepare for some major projects and travel; I haven’t been sleeping well, I’ve been missing Jason...

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Message 34 – Be an Avatar

Jason is an Avatar; he knew how to travel to other worlds in life, and he is travelling to this world from the other side. I am an Avatar, and I am travelling to Jason’s world when I connect with him, and other “worlds” of realities I choose to create. Jason believes we can all be Avatars. There is no coincidence that the movie Avatar came out after Jason’s passing and as I am preparing to take an advanced Avatar course. The Avatar...

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Soul Contract

Jason and I made a soul contract before we both came in to this world. In Soul Story I wrote about Jason’s contract with himself, but I wasn’t focusing about my own at the time. I’ve written about this in several writings – about how I’ve learned so much from Jason in life and in his passing. How I appreciate so much having had him in my life, even if it were just to be 17 years. I’ve written about our long soul history together, our...

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Losing a Child

Losing a child is unimaginable. I still can’t imagine it. I’m just living it. Losing a child devastates parents. It’s not right; children shouldn’t die before their parents. Children should have a chance to grow up and live a full life. So many shoulds….I’ve worked hard to process them to lessen the pain of loss, but they still come up in waves of grief, and I ride them and continue to process. Losing a child is an experience than...

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Humility and Power

Jason is a very powerful being, but I believe he was too humble when he was alive.And I’m learning that all of us humans are often too humble.Why don’t we celebrate our gifts more with others? Yesterday I found about 20 songs on his ipod that I hadn’t heard before; a few were amazing. Why didn’t he show us these songs? He’s written about 60, but I processed some upset about not knowing about these 20 – guilt that I should have...

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Soul Story

Once upon a time a wise soul was looking for a family to join on earth. He scouted the universe and found a married couple that didn’t know if they wanted or didn’t want children, and they were trusting in the universe to give them what they need for their evolution and their paths as spiritual teachers and healers. They seemed just right. This wise soul had a mission on earth, and it wasn’t going to be for a very long time, so he wanted...

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Message 33 – Retreat and Relax

Jason gave me a clear message today – it’s time to retreat and relax. Grieving takes a lot of energy – it’s important work, but it doesn’t have to be consuming. I never had that belief, but I have been tired. I also get the sense that most of the hard work is done, and I feel good about where I am. Writing has been a great support for me, and loving witness. I have abundant support to turn to for help when I need it; just knowing that...

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Losses and Gifts

We experience so many losses in our life, and so many gifts. It’s Christmas time, and I had been planning to get the heck out of town to avoid the pain of not having Jason here, opening gifts together. This morning I pulled up the courage to pull out his Christmas stocking and I let the tears flow. I had embroidered “JASON” on the stocking when he was a baby. Opening the stocking Christmas morning was one of two holiday rituals Jason was...

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Grieving with Strangers

I do my best grieving alone, and I’m learning how sweet it can be to grieve in front of strangers. Compassion is everywhere. I attended a weekend workshop for the first time since Jason died (for the first time in a year, actually – I don’t attend workshops too often these days, but it felt right; I can receive healing). I wasn’t ready before this to leave my cocoon (being alone or with close friends or family) for more than a partial...

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Message 32 – Be a Child

Be a child – that was Jason’s message to me today, delivered by the three wise boulders of Labor-In-Vain, after I shared Jason’s energy with them. Cool. That’s the ultimate reflection – to be the mirror! (I just wrote about Mirror Reflections). The message resonated with me deeply. Of course – this is yet another reason to miss Jason, another reason to grieve. When he was around I could be the child through him. When he left the...

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Mirror Reflections – Jason’s CD, Michelle’s CD

Jason’s spirit is a mirror reflecting back what we have given each other, and how we inspired each other.It’s often overwhelming, and it brings up a lot of emotions and some fear of change.A big wave overtook me last night, and I was missing him so much it hurt.This morning I’m in calmer waters and reflecting: I’ve been writing about Jason being an indigo child; I’m an indigo adult, embracing the “new culture”of oneness...

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The Indigo Child – Part 2 – Trust

“Jason, The Joy of My Life”Journal dedicated to Jason– February, 2001 (Jason was 9 yrs old, last entry below at 14 yrs old) Jason knows who he is and what he wants and doesn’t want. He has access to deep wisdom and has the purity of wildflowers. All of the “challenges” he presented to us as a baby and small child are easily explained by all this – he is an Indigo child. I am blessed to have him in my life, as my son, my friend, my...

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The Indigo Child – Jason’s 16 Things

Jason was an indigo child. I prefer not to use labels to categorize people, but “indigo child” is a term that has meant something to me, raising Jason as a child. Indigo children question all the old belief systems, many of which have been hurting our planet and our culture. He always asked “why” about the real important stuff, and hearing his questioning taught me how we buy into so many beliefs we don’t even realize we have. He...

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