Acceptance, 10/21/09


I’ve been on this unanticipated incredible journey of accepting Jason’s passing.

When I accept, I feel peace.
When I resist, I suffer.
The choice has been easy to make amidst the pain of loss, and yet my mind wants to figure out how I can possibly accept.

These are some key beliefs that have helped me tremendously:
1) Each soul has its time on earth, for many reasons clear and never to be known. It was Jason’s time, his soul had chosen this. I choose to accept his soul’s decision, as his mother, as his guide, as his trusted friend, and as fellow traveler on this earth. We are all here temporarily to do the work we need to do and then move on. Our children don’t belong to us; we are given the opportunity to guide them the best we can.
2) Jason’s spirit is still with us, in another way, another dimension that I can access because I believe I can. Our love is eternal and that keeps us connected in whatever form. Love is all that truly exists (everything else is our creation, our perceptions, our illusions) and that love carries me above the pain of physical loss. We are all spirit, we are all one.
3) This moment is all that is. When I experience the beauty of each moment, including any beautiful or painful thoughts of Jason, I feel peace in Being. Grief is an experience. When we judge it, we experience the energy of the judgment. I choose to see it as a reflection of the beautiful love we had for each other on earth, and continue to feel in spirit. Crying is not a problem, it is a supportive ritual.
4) Jason and I had a healthy relationship. We let each other know when there was an issue in our relationship and we acknowledged it and cleared it the best we could. I gave him the space and trust he needed as a teenager, and he expressed appreciation for that. We had a non-verbal way of being together, respecting each other, and just being in the love. We didn’t have any unresolved issues when he passed, so there is no guilt and no significant regrets. This is a gift.
5) Jason left behind so much to remember him by and connect with his spirit. It’s as if he is still here in person, showing me his photography and music and poetry. As I go through his files in the next months and years, I will see his works presented to me for the first time, and I will feel and perhaps hear his excitement sharing them with me. His passion inspires me, as my passion has inspired him.
6) Jason chose me to be his mother. He knew I would get him, understand that he was already living more in the world of spirit than on this earth, and that he was too pure for this world. He had important things to do on the other side. His father understands this, too. Jason knew I would get the importance of his works that show the connection to the spirit world, seeing the beauty of each moment and all things. He knew I would get his works out there in a big way. You ain’t seen nothing yet, Jason. I will make sure I do it in the right time, balancing what I need for my own soul path and stay in the inspiration Jason gave me in life and in his passing. I’m getting my recording studio set up again; side by side with Jason’s studio. He smiles.
7) Jason didn’t leave too soon. His soul waited until we were ready, to be able to be strong enough to experience his passing without getting devastated; that wasn’t our karma. I guided him through his childhood, finding and following his passions in life, asserting who he is and what he wanted in life, and being a light for others. He is a wise soul, so he taught us so much (he enjoyed that humble stealth teacher role). He also sent us a tremendous amount of healing in life and after he passed to make sure we were strong. He wouldn’t have left me alone; he waited until I had my soul companion, Kule. He knew Chuck was supported on his spiritual path. Jason always wanted the best for his parents.
8) Jason found his soul twin in Erin. The more and more I learn about the two of them together, I see a magical love story. It is clear that one wouldn’t have left without the other. They needed to find each other first and experience that high love; they passed together in bliss. What more would a mother want for her child than to see him fulfilled? I believe Jason was fulfilled in relationships and his creative passions. I could easily create so many stories about how else he could have joyfully experienced going forward in life, but I choose to believe that he was fulfilled in this lifetime. Jason and Erin are together doing some amazing healing work on the other side; I can feel their excitement.

I wish continued acceptance for me and for all. It’s the clearest channel to feeling the full power of love.