Connecting with my child on the “Other Side”
It’s been almost four years since my 17-year old son Jason, my only child, died in a car accident, and I know I will never stop missing him terribly on this earth plane. I miss our laughs together, his awesome hugs, his never-ceasing creativity, listening to his latest music composition, checking out his latest digital photo art, celebrating every stage of his life, and just hanging together. I feel so much for other parents who lose children; it’s the hardest lost, there’s no doubt about that for me.
One thing that has kept me above water in my continuing grieving process, that I am eternally grateful for, is my ability to believe that I can connect with my son whenever I want to. I say “believe” because there’s no tangible proof that I connect with Jason, because there is no way to see, hear, touch, or smell him with my earthly senses. I just believe he is there; I can feel the energy he exuded in life. I also believe that whatever anyone’s religious or logical beliefs are about death and life, that anyone can connect with their beloved departed, in their own way – through memories, with one-way or two-way conversations, with imagination, and perhaps with the idea that the soul lives on.
I connect with Jason in many ways that often bring me sadness but always bring me waves of love, and therefore joy. The first time I connected with Jason was the first night after he died, when I had the impulse, amidst the shock and intense grief, to sit up in bed in the middle of the night and write. It felt that his words were coming to me through my writing. I conversed with him in this way. These communications continued daily for months and then continued a few times a month for a couple of years. I started a blog called “Messages from Jason” which I compiled into a book last year. Writing helped me tremendously to process grief, but it also allowed me to connect with Jason, to believe that he is not completely lost from me.
One way that always works for me to feel Jason with me is to recall a fun time we had together, to relive the memory. Even though it doesn’t feel we are there, reliving the experience in the present, his energy is “real”-ly there with me. One of the messages Jason gave me a few days after his passing is to “lighten up”; he wanted me to remember the times we would laugh together. That not only eased the pain because of the positive emotion, but it also reconnected us with joy. Before Jason’s passing, I don’t recall ever being able to laugh and cry at the same time so consistently!
When I listen to Jason’s music compositions or gaze into his photography, I feel him with me, celebrating his art with me. He lives in his art, and that will never die. He continues to inspire me to do my music; I recorded my first solo CD, in his memory, at the 3rd anniversary of his passing last summer. We celebrated the completion together.
I talk to Jason all the time. I figure since there’s no way of knowing that he can’t hear me on other side, then why not? I’ve heard of people who’ve survived comas who were so grateful that their loved ones continued to talk with them in their coma even if they couldn’t talk back. I feel Jason’s excitement when I pay attention to listen to him, even when I don’t hear words. We communicate in a different way now, beyond words.
If anyone thinks I’m crazy that I talk with my departed child, I’m fine with that. I’d rather be “crazy” than miss out on my opportunity to connect with my favorite soul in the universe!
–Vyola Myst, aka Michelle Herrera Foster, Ph.D., is author of the e-book “Messages from Jason, a Mother’s Healing Journey of Grief and Spirit”. The original blog and other writings can be found at www.vyolamyst.com . She assists people to connect with their spirit guides and their beloved departed, and offers a session to bereaved parents.