Gratitude, 10/7/09


I am reminded of the power of gratitude. Often when I cry about Jason I feel the immense gratitude of having had him in my life, of continuing to feel his blessings. This feeling brings me joy and peace and carries me to a place of feeling abundance.

I was reminded of how grateful I am for being in this place, and not in a place of devastation and despair as so many parents have experienced in the loss of a child, for years afterward. I attended a support group for bereaved parents two nights ago with Kule and witnessed a huge range of experiences, stories, emotions, and suggestions from parents who lost a child in the past few weeks to many years ago. It is clear that everyone grieves and copes so differently, and I appreciate experiencing the diversity and learning from it. I got clear in hearing some of the stories that I want to remember Jason as always 17, not someone who would-have could-have been someone at such-and-such age, creating attachment and suffering. I am grateful for that insight, and I am so grateful for the loving support of the group as they wished Jason Happy Birthday, passing around his sweet pictures for all to smile and celebrate who he was and is. I will attend the group again; it’s a great resource called The Compassionate Friends. Grieving the loss of a child is so different than any other loss, and I want to be with those who understand. I am so grateful for Kule’s desire to understand this with me, so he can support me.

I am so grateful for my spiritual connection with Jason and how I am growing spiritually through this experience. I am so interested in the metaphysical exploration of spirit, and how we can connect with the spirit of each one more strongly in life as well as after death. I am grateful for a new connection with another bereaved parent, Henry, who lost his only child to brain cancer a year ago, who moved to this area and is starting a support group for parents that is spiritually based. He had started a website with his son Cameron called for parents of kids with cancer, and the gratitude he has for having had his angelic son in his life is apparent in the video sharings and interviews with his son during his cancer.

Years ago when I was teaching goal setting using sound healing (guided music) a simple equation came to me:


This feels even more real to me now, after having immersed myself in manifesting studies such as Avatar, understanding how we create our reality. Our truth reflects our beliefs; what we believe is what we experience, and we can choose our beliefs. Trust in spirit, a higher power, and our will is of course key. Gratitude is the piece that has always fascinated me, and is often overlooked. When we are grateful, we feel the joy of gifts in our life, and that attracts more gifts (the law of attraction). Abundance is a perspective – the glass is half full or half empty or full or overflowing. I am the only one who determines that perspective; I’m responsible for my reality. I create my abundance.

Feeling abundance after the loss of child seems inconceivable. How can loss and abundance co-exist? I feel the dichotomy of pain and beauty in my grief, so anything is possible.

Jason’s soul chose me and Chuck as parents for particular reasons, many of which may never be fully revealed on this plane. His path was set in life; he manifested his life. What helps me tremendously is my belief that Jason’s death is not a loss at a spiritual level. I have received so many blessings throughout his life and since he passed. I know I was not meant to suffer, and that belief and trust keep me in a state of Grace and Gratitude.

Thank you Jason, for teaching me to laugh.
Thank you for teaching me to be in the moment, to forget about time.
Thank you for teaching me patience.
Thank you for helping me lighten up.
Thank you for being an angel to so many.
Thank you for leaving us with so many creative beautiful works of art and music to experience you with our human senses.
Thank you for attracting so many beautiful spirits into our lives.
Thank you for being firmly who you are, inspiring that in others.
Thank you for so many gifts that I may not be aware of, that feed me in magical ways.

Thank you for teaching me ways to connect with you in your new state, and reminding me we are one.