Holding On, Letting Go
I’ve returned home from a magnificent 5-week exploration of spirit, beauty, and possibilities. And yet this is not my only home and it is temporary, like all that we perceive to be physical reality. Energetically it is a home of memories, love, and the many creations I have made in the past 5 years. I create a home everywhere I am.
Returning to Jason’s studio, I was amazed at how light I felt and how I didn’t feel like crying. That was one moment. In another moment the flood of tears came, and Jason wasn’t here to wet-vac the puddles like he did the first spring in our new home in Ipswich in the big flood of 2006. I hugged his chair, the one he sat in for hours at a time, creating so much in so little time in the context of one person’s life. As I let the water fall, I felt Jason reminding me to lighten up. I explained to him that this was a process of letting go, that every time I get into the big grief wave it washes out more and more of the attachment.
I watch myself holding on. I watch myself letting go, big pieces at a time. Like the truck-size glowing boulders that shoot out from Volcan Arenal.
I looked up at his Facebook photos collaged on his studio wall. He looks at me seriously, the way he focused on his photography shoots. He looks at me sweetly, that angelic face that everyone loved. He looks at me with that face that could make anyone laugh hysterically, and he tells me that I am right on track and there is absolutely frigging nothing to worry about.
I cry again with the power of what I feel. Jason was powerful in life, and he unleashed magnitudes more of it when he passed. The guy was amazing, and he is showing me how I can be, too. He passed this incredible energy on to me, and I’m not supposed to hold on to him or any of it. I’m supposed to pass it on to all I do, to all I contact. It’s about serving the world, not about him or me or anyone in particular. And yet we all benefit.
Oh, yes, how we benefit when we tune in to that energy of letting go.
So now I’ve Moved In (see Message 35) and it’s time to Move Out. To move out into the world of possibilities, to let go of worldly possessions and old beliefs, and to fully live what I teach. I’m not wasting time, because time doesn’t exist. Life is short and yet it is infinite. The current moment is all there is.
It’s time. It feels right to move from this home in Ipswich. Jason and I bought this home together with the intention of selling it in 5 years (this August) when he graduated from high school. He is encouraging me big time to follow my dream, to live where I want to live, not where I feel I need to live for him or for anyone else. For me and for my work in the world.
Jason and I shared a powerful fun parasailing adventure the week before he passed, 1500 ft above Lake Tahoe. We shared in the exhilaration, and I felt that again with him this morning sitting in his studio being with his energy. I’m not letting go of him, I’m soaring with him.
I’m giving out what I got from Jason. I’m inspiring others with this energy of letting go and flowing into new energy. I’m guessing it will flow into the waters of Costa Rica. The possibility of buying land there is great, and the time will be perfect however it happens.
It’s time to really soar. Zip-lining through the jungle of life…..
P.S. It is so amazing how we can transform intense emotion into freedom!