Message 11 – Guided Music, 8/18/09


1:45 AM
I thought Message 10 was the last one – this one isn’t for the public yet, just for those who would understand.

11 = The gateway, twin pillars

1:45 AM:
1 = One
4 = The new energy (Jason, Erin, and you) and Teachers
5 = Plus Guides

There are many other guides, not just Jason, on the other side working to get the new energy out.

5 hit me earlier yesterday when I woke up abruptly from a nap at 5:00. There was no noise, just a burst of energy that got me to sit right up in bed. I was very disoriented and thought it was 5 AM but it was too light out – a dream-like state. I heard a noise in the house and went out to investigate (OK – Jason, don’t freak me out with ghost stuff). Noah had arrived 2 hrs early and had quietly entered the house. My guides were alerting me.

5 is also Magic – connection with the unnatural, the metaphysical. My path in numerology is a 55.

This message isn’t from Jason, it’s from the Guides. When I woke up at 1:45 AM I felt a different presence than Jason – multifaceted. I thought it might be new aspects of Jason, but then got clear it wasn’t him. I got spooked so I went and got my Guardian Angel flower essence (from Bobbie Courtney) and sprayed everywhere in the house.

Jason’s favorite cat Annapurr (the fat one who was supposed to go first, before Nala who died in May, and certainly before Jason) just came up to me and her eyes looked different. They looked different after Jason died; I felt Jason’s energy in her; Kule noticed her staring at me in an unusual way. Annapurr has always been a healing cat (she loves our sound circles), and she is also a messenger. Annapurr hasn’t been upset at all since Jason died; she senses his presence as if his body were still here. She seems to be tuning into the Guides as well.

Something has changed in me – I see things I never saw before, similar to the way Jason saw a photo shot no one else did. It’s capturing subtle energies, the dream-like nature of things. I noticed this last Thurs or Friday when Kule and I went to see Gail Byrnes for offered sessions (Jason saw Gail regularly since his illness last year – they had a tight bond and shared a love of photography, with similar mystical styles). After my session I sat outside on a beautiful day and looked out over the lake, marveling at the peace, the way the sun creates shooting sparkles of light on the water, the contrasting shadows of water ripples. That’s when I got that Jason would spread his message through the dream-like nature of his photography.

I listened to his music yesterday, gathering copies of his 3 Serevun CDs (Healing Arena, Drinnel, and Circulate); I backed up his files and put them on my IPhone so I will carry them with me. I was Jason’s biggest music fan; I always thought his music was very special, but thought much of it would not appeal to the mainstream. When he got so much feedback from his photography this past year, he shifted from doing a lot of music composition to doing mostly photography, and from thinking of going to college for music to going to an art institute (the one he liked in San Francisco had a photography unit started by Ansel Adams). He knew that was his best medium to getting his message out.

There are many young people who will get the message from his rock songs – the lyrics as well as the music (I collected all the scraps of papers and notebooks with poetry and lyrics that he hadn’t shared with anyone.) There are also many who will get the message from his soundscape music (inspired by Ben Sheppard and me), people who are tuned into soundhealing – this is why I want to get his music out there, and had been guided to do this, through the that Ben and I co-founded in 2002 when we formed Bluegate.

As I was writing the last paragraph, I was reflecting on how strongly Jason was reminding me to record; he had also been pushing me away this past year (as most teen boys do to their moms to get independent), so we didn’t get to record together. Since he died he has given me signs, such as showing me his hand-made humorous 50th birthday card (last June) that had at the end a request to record together, and when I found (it popped out from under an in-box pile) a long-lost list of music tracks I recorded (with Bluegate, Ben, Caera, some solo stuff) that I asked Jason to make into a CD but he never got to it. He was telling me again how much he wanted to see me record.

Jason wants me and Ben to collect his music and add our stuff to it and get it out there to people tuned into sound healing.

I’m also suddenly reminded of how much I had wanted to be a professional musician and soundhealer and be free to travel with Bluegate, but couldn’t because I was taking care of Jason. Jason was a Bluegate fan, it was cool to see his mom in a band, and he really liked the music. He started jamming with us in sound circles, and joined Ben and Noah in New York for some sound jams. I’m reminded now of my passion for playing music (Jason pulled out a few of my journals for me this past week to show me how I have been wanting to do more of this), and now I am free to travel.

While improvising with Bluegate, I coined the phrase Guided Music (improvised music guided by spirit) and wrote an article about it when I was co-Director of NESHRI (New England Sound Healing Research Institute, now Sound Healing Network). Great healing happened with the guided music; we tuned into the healing energy. Ben and I continued with our Soundscape Journeys after Bluegate members Christine and Kem moved to Colorado. I want to connect again with guided musicians. We will spread Jason’s message through music as well as through his photography and poetry/lyrics.

Bluegate formed right after 9-11. We played at the first Community Consciousness Carnival in Stage Fort Park, Gloucester on the 1st year anniversary of 9-11. And this is Message 11.

I am obsessed with getting the message out (the message that each person is precious, is an infinite Being), while working on keeping my balance (I feel a lot of peace in my mourning cocoon at home lately and am getting great healing sessions – will continue that). It helps to hear how you and others can help send the message – please let me know; email is easiest for me.

There will be a tribute to Jason at the Mystical Art and Talent Show October 10; Carl Schroeder asked me if we wanted to do this, and Chuck and I want to do the slide/music show we did at the ceremony. This will be a great audience to get the message out.

The Dance community asked us to come to Dance camp for a tribute, but it doesn’t feel like the right venue right now and I’m not ready to go out into the public yet unless it is a sacred space dedicated to Jason’s message.