Message 4 – Lighten Up, 8/10/09


This one will be shared at the ceremony tonight. I’m so so honored to be Jason’s mom.

3:01 AM
Jason told me that I feel him strongly because he is embedded in my heart. If I hug someone they feel Jason’s love. If we both feel that love together we believe in this even more. I am not the only one – many have Jason embedded in their hearts, and anyone can, if they believe.

He wants his friends to hug each other like he hugged them, and you can be silly and playful the way he used to do it – the Jason hug.

Jason really loves all the love he feels in his house right now, planning the ceremony, receiving dear friends and family, seeing his divorced mom and dad love each other through this great grief, and especially helping those who are grieving.

This love will go to the church tonight and will be magnified by all there who love him. However, it won’t be so big to freak people out; Jason liked to surprise people but he didn’t freak anyone out (without making them laugh, anyway). There will be so many people there, and some may not completely understand this (and that’s OK “but they can – and they will” (that’s from some movie Jason and I used to be silly with that phrase a lot!)

I asked him to tell me something funny I could tell others so they can Lighten Up, and he said to just remember a funny thing he did and that will help them lighten up and they will feel his love more.

Last night he had told me we could Lighten Up while grieving. It won’t take the grief away but it will make you laugh and cry at the same time, enough times that someday soon the crying may not happen. If it does, that’s cool, but the pain will pass and be shorter and shorter until there is no pain, just love.

He wants his friends to know it is totally cool (and he will look at you with one of his ridiculously funny faces) if you cry, but he guarantees laughing will make you feel better.

Let’s Lighten Up and feel his light.

I have heard so many express how much they loved Jason and how special he was (and is), and I want to hear more about how Jason touched your life, and how he did it in funny as well as tender ways. Jason is a very sensitive soul and he always knew when to laugh and when to hold a serious space – he trusts his friends and new friends he will make through them.

All Jason’s friends will be teachers to others to spread his love. He really loved the movie Pay It Forward. You don’t need to do a big candle vigil* like in the movie, but you can light a candle with friends and heal together.

*Jason never liked being the center of attention on a big scale – that’s why he didn’t pursue an acting career after his 5th grade debut as the wicked witch in Hansel and Gretel – he totally cracked everyone up and we thought he was destined for acting on stage – and why he cried when everyone sang Happy Birthday to him on his first birthday and many years after that.

In the movie Pay It Forward, the boy’s mom understood instantly in her great pain why when people die great healing can happen. I’ve been prepared for this time with all the spiritual work I’ve experienced and all the loving support I attract, so it may be easier for me to get past the pain because I feel the beauty even greater than the pain. It’s so powerful and sometimes truly overwhelming.

Jason really really loves that Dad and Julia are creating an amazing show of his photography and his music for the ceremony (we will show it again for anyone who misses it – the photos are at ). It’s the type of show I was planning to do for his 18th birthday (October 26). He really loves what everyone is doing to pitch in the make this a beautiful celebration – also Christopher, Gus, Noah, Dustin, Nikki, Jeremy, his friend Steve playing the marimba, and other family and friends.

Jason wants me to sell his CD for charity – Art of Living youth programs, of course. He also wants me to make a CD of my music- he’s sorry he didn’t do it for me for my birthday this year in June. He’s always been late with his presents, and that has always been totally cool with Mom. He’s the only gift I ever wanted.

Jason ended by thanking me so much for giving him such a wonderful life, and his Dad, family, and friends and everyone else who contributed.