It’s been a time of major change in my life and I’ve felt the disconnection from Source bigger than I’m used to in recent weeks. The good thing is – it’s always right here with me, and I’m bound to bump into it again and it will stick! It’s been great practice in being in the moment; that’s where we find Source.
Playing music in spiritual community brings the connection back instantly. I’m continuously amazed how I can feel the pain of loss at the same time that I am feeling the bliss of being and connecting with Source. It is feeling more continuously that there is no separation; it’s all Grace. There’s no loss or gain; it’s all right here.
The First Boston Chant Festival yesterday was a magical reunion of many friends I hadn’t seen in some years. I watched my life of the past 25 years unfold in the meeting of dear soul friends, as we caught up in timeless minutes, sharing our current life journey with words and energetically. It was so beautiful to be in the opening act with Ashara’s kirtan band, and I felt my viola fill the room with the love I felt from me and all present to connect with our hearts. It is always a joy to share my musical gift in this way. The audience was filled with the radiance of recognition of a higher love.
It was a journey through time that showed me there is no such thing as time. We are all here for a short time and yet it is forever.
My sister Mariana came to spend my birthday with me; that alone would have made my day, and I got to see her enjoy the loving energy in this growing kirtan community. Sitting with Kule and Mariana amidst rows of loving friends was a sweet birthday present, reminding me of how much we have journeyed this past year, with Jason in our hearts. Moving through my life from childhood, my former husband Chuck was there, with dear friends we used to do kirtan (Satsang) with before Jason was born and when he was a baby at my breast. Then there were my North Shore healing arts friends and other local friends I have not seen enough of lately, and that I will miss so much when I move, along with other friends I have been wanting to connect with for the past year from the Human Awareness Institute. I reunited with sound healing friends from NESHRI (www.soundhealingnetwork.org I co-founded 8 years ago); the sound of Sanskrit chant, voices singing together, and beautiful instruments create powerful sound healing and shared intention for love and connection to Source.
They were all there, the old friends and the new, even the ones that weren’t there physically. It was a lovely reunion of dear souls who have accompanied me on my spiritual journey.
I reunite with Jason on a daily basis, but two days ago my experience of this shifted to a new place.
I was visiting Jason’s swimhole in the White Mountains of NH with Kule and my soul-sister Marie-Anne’s daughter Julia and her fiancé Jeff from Texas. We were enjoying our week-long reunion, reminiscing old times when Julia and Jason (two peas-in-a-pod) would make us laugh so hard with their silliness. I wanted to show them Jason’s swimhole, and when we got there it looked so different than the last time I was there, spreading Jason’s ashes last September. The water level was high, giving us less rock ledge to spread out in. The current was strong, making the short walk over the slippery rocks a shamanic journey.
When we arrived, I was surprised I didn’t feel great sadness. I felt at home. This was my place as well as Jason’s. I’ve come here every year on my birthday for over ten years. As I meditated with the elements, I could hear and feel the rush of water on both sides of my precipice, my piece of earth, and I could feel the warmth of the sun and breathe the refreshing mountain air.
I reunited with Jason. In the next moment, it was me. It was my connection with Source. In that moment, I celebrated the shift from seeing Jason as outside myself to experiencing me as One with Jason, as One with Source.
That the best birthday present!