Jason and I made a soul contract before we both came in to this world. In Soul Story I wrote about Jason’s contract with himself, but I wasn’t focusing about my own at the time.
I’ve written about this in several writings – about how I’ve learned so much from Jason in life and in his passing. How I appreciate so much having had him in my life, even if it were just to be 17 years. I’ve written about our long soul history together, our past lives.
It’s helped to confirm this soul agreement. This belief got further confirmed reading a book that Marie-Anne recommended – Your Soul’s Plan – Discovering the Real Meaning of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born, by Robert Schwartz. When she told me she couldn’t put the book down I figured I had to get it. One chapter is about a mother who lost a fiancé and then her 19 year old son. The story about the son of course resonated with me. Interviews with mediums and psychics brought to surface the story of their soul agreement together, and how she learned compassion from having two big losses in her life. Her son also had a soul contract with the drug dealer who gave him the drugs that caused his death. Jason had a soul contract with the driver of the car; his love for her confirms this.
I didn’t need to hire a medium to get the big pieces of my story with Jason, I’ve been fortunate to get it direct from him. There may be more pieces, and I’m content to get the information at the right time. Unlike the mother in the book, I didn’t need to learn about compassion in a big way from Jason’s death; I think I already had that one down in this lifetime, I learned a huge amount being Jason’s mother in life. What I did learn in a big way is Being (see http://jasonmichellefoster.blogspot.com/2009/11/message-30-being-10109.html ).
I also learned that we have a partnership that is everlasting, and that has evolved in each lifetime.
Jason and I made an agreement to be spiritual teachers together. We were doing it when he was alive – we were stealthily teaching each other to be healers in ways that we could each relate to and share with others. Jason was a healer in his own way, and targeted his peer age group and those who would resonate with his nonverbal messages through his mystical art and music, in the ways he brought us each to moments of magic and love. I was already identified as a healer, but my role as a spiritual teacher was not clear to me until Jason passed. In his passing, I have come to understand more fully the continuity of the soul’s spirit, and how we are always connected, in life and in death. It is becoming clear that I will be sharing these understandings more and more with others, who will benefit from what I have gained in my soul partnership with Jason.
As I am writing this, I am feeling so incredibly honored to have been chosen by Jason’s wise soul to do this work with him. At the same time, I am getting some glimpses of the human-limited thoughts, such as “How can I possibly do this justice?” Jason died so we could do this work more fully, and I feel some pressure; I want to honor Jason fully. Luckily, I also feel the patience Jason passed on to me when he passed. (BTW, that’s why they call it a “passing” – so much does pass from the spirit to others – I wrote about this in writing Tsunami). I know I have acknowledged this gift often, since patience has (and still is) not my strength, but it’s a heck of a lot “better” now.
Often when I think of Jason I feel him merged with me. He is not separate. This is the unity consciousness I have always strived to be in, and he did it with ease.
So – duh (as Jason and I would say) I would not see him as a separate being, because he is not. We are also a partnership, and he can do some of his work through me. I guess that’s my new “mother” role. It used to be that I was teaching him to be independent. Well, that’s truly manifested at some level, but now that he doesn’t have a body (an earth-plane medium in which to connect with others on their plane), he is depending on me for that. He is also ready to work through others who connect with him through the belief we are not separate – his father, and many relatives and friends.
I got the message from Jason the night before the ceremony (Message 4 – Lighten Up) to share with those at the ceremony that Jason is embedded in my heart, and if you hug me (or anyone else who believes that Jason is embedded in their heart) then they can feel Jason’s hug. Jason was talking through me at the ceremony – how else could a grieving mother deliver a confident and humorous 10-minute speech? He was there so clearly, hugging the hour-long line of well-wishers at the reception, many of them young friends of Jason who wanted to feel that hug. He was there drumming with us. He was smiling with me, feeling the incredible love that soared from the great transformed sadness.
This is why people die. It’s not a loss, it’s just a passage. We come to this temporary world from another world that is our true home. We come to learn, to grow, and to share. We often wonder what our purpose in life is. I think that’s a healthy curiousity, but the trick is not to be attached to having to know everything, or we can suffer from disappoint or expectations.
I like wonderful surprises. Before Jason was born I didn’t want to know the sex of my baby. My acupuncturist was convinced it was a girl from the pulse, but I sensed it was a boy – one who had great feminine as well as masculine energy. I was right. There was a lot more that I didn’t know…
Life is full of surprises, some not so nice. However, if we truly believe that each challenge in life is there to teach us something on a much larger scale, then we receive the gifts. I know I am being showered with gifts, and that will continue. I miss Jason enormously on the physical plane, and that is very painful. I also understand that I have chosen this path at a soul level, and I am reminded of how rich my relationship with Jason is on the spirit level. If I over-focus on the loss at the physical level, I temporarily lose sight of our abundant connection at the spirit level. When I am connected on the spirit level, which is easy for me to do, having been so connected with the Divine for a very long time, then I am at home, in peace. I feel that every time I look at Jason’s photo. He reminds me of that peace, and it takes me over and calms me during my painful grieving moments. He is here. He is doing great healing work from the other side.
I believe that the death of a loved one creates a clear channel for connection to the other world, to the world of spirit that is there with us all the time but it is not in our awareness. I believe anyone can increase their connection to the world of spirit through the love of their dear departed. I believe Jason and I can assist others with this. We already are.
So many have asked me “How are you getting through this?”, it can be such a devastating experience. I reply that I am so grateful for my spiritual beliefs, that I have always been connected to the Divine (God, the Great Spirit – this has so many names), and Jason and I connected strongly with each others’ spirit when he was alive. When he dropped his body the connection was already there. Being able to communicate with him this way, in a way that I was already used to, has been such a gift. I know he is here and he will always be here for me. His first message to me the night he died was that he is not limited by his body, and he can do so much more. Our spirit is infinite, and timeless. If we do move on to another life, our spirit can still be available to anyone. This is a belief that is confirmed for myself, and I am fascinated by this.
Imagine how less limited we can all be in life if we know that we have this limitless spirit?
I was pleased to hear a sermon at an Episcopal church (the same church where we had Jason’s ceremony) Christmas eve talk about the two worlds. He talked about how in the movie Avatar a man is able to extend his consciousness into another world, a metaphor for how we can all connect with the other world of spirit, of God. He spoke about how we aren’t aware of the richness of the other world, when we are in this one, and he eloquently reminded us of this. I’m curious to have a metaphysics conversation with this man of the cloth. It’s clear he wants others to get what he gets. It was a joy to experience his sharing.
We are all connected. When we all know this there will be world peace.
I feel like I’m getting that world peace within myself. I’m at peace with being in this world, and knowing the other world is there for me right now. I don’t have to wait to die to get there. We already have Heaven on Earth (crediting Maharishi). The earth plane serves a purpose in our spiritual evolution – the raising of personal and collective consciousness.
Jason was with me on this earth plane for a relatively short time (by human standards), but he has been with me and will be with me for eternity on that higher plane, the one that really counts for me!
Michelle and Jason