The Beauty of Crying, 9/6/09


Dear friends,
Sending emails to you and occasional calls (I haven’t found the time/energy for a lot of calls, but I would like to catch up with each of you soon) has been very supportive, knowing you are there in loving witness, receiving your healing energy. I am trusting in the divine flow.

I am crying a lot, especially with little reminders about how special Jason was to me, from every corner of my home and memory.

I’m really getting how crying is the nervous system’s way of dealing with overwhelm, and I have been overwhelmed with the love that Jason and I have had, and continue to have, for each other. There’s a mystical beauty in that that is so hard to explain. If you experience me crying about Jason, and no doubt you will, remember that the pain is coated in love and therefore I also feel the immense love. I am so blessed to have this much love in my life. Being Jason’s mother opened my heart to him and to everything/everyone, and taught me to be in the moment and appreciate the infinite in everything and everyone. I would give anything to have Jason back, but I would also give anything to experience the love I am already feeling and will continue to feel forever. At the spirit level I suffer no loss.

I miss the opportunity to see Jason evolve on this physical plane, celebrating his passions with him, supporting him through his challenges, feeling his support in my evolution, being in so many special moments together. I’m sure I will miss this for a very long time.

I choose not to get stuck in mind stuff and judgments such as – why Jason? He was so pure in energy and loved himself, not getting into destructive habits like many teens do. He expressed love powerfully, helped friends move past suicidal thoughts, a friend who was raped and trusted no one but Jason, friends who would have dropped out of school if it hadn’t been for Jason; he inspired and empowered so many. Many of his friends, and kids who barely knew him but felt his love with a smile through the school corridor, are suffering the loss of Jason. He was a healer in life, and yet in death he also has healed many; the stories keep coming in. He expressed his power through his art and music, but remained quiet and humble, often holding back his power. His soul is so powerful that he can do so much more without a body. It was his soul’s choice to move on to do his work. I support him and miss him so much at the same time.

Please send me or tell me your story about how Jason or Jason’s death has inspired, helped, or touched you in a deep way. Hearing, reading, and collecting these has been very healing to me, confirming the power of the soul. Thank you so much to those who have already shared these special stories.