The Indigo Child – Part 2 – Trust

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“Jason, The Joy of My Life”Journal dedicated to Jason– February, 2001 (Jason was 9 yrs old, last entry below at 14 yrs old)

Jason knows who he is and what he wants and doesn’t want. He has access to deep wisdom and has the purity of wildflowers. All of the “challenges” he presented to us as a baby and small child are easily explained by all this – he is an Indigo child. I am blessed to have him in my life, as my son, my friend, my student, and my teacher.

Jason is here to bring light to the world and it is my honor and commitment to guide him (or confirm his own clear guidance) in his growing years to manifest who he is.

Discipline:
Time out and classic punishment never worked for Jason. When he says he learned his lesson and doesn’t need punishment, it’s true. He is full of truth and integrity.

Last night I said he couldn’t watch TV until he finished his homework. He was tired and refused to finish his homework, but proceeded to turn on the TV after I repeated calmly several times that he has to finish his homework first. Finally I said “Jason, if you don’t turn that TV off I will have to ask you to choose your own punishment.” He immediately turned off the TV, came over to sit on my lap, and went to bed. He likes to make his own decisions.

Another time, he was misbehaving and I told him to take time out. He had been crying, feeling really badly about what he had done (hitting us because he didn’t want to do something, or something to that effect), and he looked at me lovingly with those sweet eyes and said “Mom, I already had my punishment. Time out won’t teach me anything. I won’t do that again.” And I didn’t give him time out, and he never did it again.

Integrity at School:
Jason doesn’t like school (not uncommon for Indigo children), but he was having a particularly difficult time going back after Christmas break. The school counselor, Mr. Van, befriended him and helps him with the Monday transition. One day he went to school late and refused to go to the classroom, looking exceptionally stressed. We found Mr. Van and talked about why school feels hard. It took a while, but we found out that one of his classmates, “A”, was being “disgusting”. He was resistant to talking about it, and I sensed he didn’t want to see anyone get in trouble. We talked about how it’s OK to not like what someone does even if you love him. He then shared stories about being sexually harassed and bullied right in the classroom. Mr. Van had his seat changed, and Jason said it was “way better.”

The school handled the bullying issue well, doing some training in class without picking out anyone in particular, and confidentially. Jason and I talked about sexual harassment and bullying. Not only did Jason learn about how bullying is unacceptable, but he also learned you can love someone without liking them. On his own, he showed the bullies he cared for them – he was very humorous with them, and showed them he was confident in himself. The bullies not only stopped bothering him, they respected him, and “A” became one of his friends. He understood that “A” was joining the bullies because he didn’t want to be bullied himself.

Jason never got bullied again.

The Artist 4/10/06 (Jason is 14 yrs old)
Jason is such an amazing artist: music, graphics, photos, flash animation, stories – he takes the recognizable and makes them unrecognizable. He’s so happy in his studio, and works for hours and days on projects.

Moving to Ipswich was the best thing we ever died – an artist community, respectful and creative kids, great teachers, and school. Jason will be in high school next year taking jazz band and electronic music! He’s turning into quite the drummer!

We used to worry about Jason, but now I realize I didn’t have to. He found his passion and is self-motivated and highly confident.

Jasons’ probably the best housemate I’ve ever had (Christine was good, too) and gives me the space and quite I need, and shares fun and music and creativity and inspiration with me. He’s a bit messy in his own space, but great in shared space and doesn’t complain when I remind him of his chores. He’s really awesome. We laugh a lot together and with his friends – his friends are great kids. I don’t worry about him getting into the wrong crowd.

Trust (today’s entry)
I trusted Jason, and he trusted me. I gave him a lot of independence at 17. He didn’t tell me much about what he was doing or who he was with, but he answered questions truthfully, protecting confidentiality, and I got his word that he would mind his health and safety, and wouldn’t drive with people who were drunk or on drugs. He and his friends didn’t do that stuff (excessively), so he never had to lie to me about that. He told me he was at parties where people drank (well, duh, of course he would at some point), but they were responsible about it, and he wasn’t interested himself. What a blessing I didn’t have to deal with what most parents have to with teens. Jason didn’t have a problem saying no.

When he was almost 17 (before he told me he was gay) and he was just starting to stay home alone, I returned from a business trip to get 2 voicemails from a parent of a teenage girl looking for her daughter. When I asked Jason about it, he said that yes, a girl had visited, and he couldn’t tell me anymore. He was protecting confidentiality, but I had to know more to make sure everyone was safe. He told me that the girl did stay over, but slept on the couch (I found out a few months later that Jason was gay, but I of course jumped to stories at this particular time); she was having a hard time in her life and came from Beverly (an old school friend) to visit, but missed the train. She didn’t want to tell her parents where she was. He assured me she was safe and wasn’t suicidal or something else dangerous. I sensed Jason was being an angel to this girl, and I didn’t call her parents back (although I asked him not to put me on this position again, and he understood). They never called me, and I never did find out what the details were. After Jason died, I received several anonymous stories about students who Jason helped through suicidal thoughts and rape. I’m guessing this girl was one of those, and Jason was the only one she could trust at the time.

Jason was the most trustworthy person. He understood trust deeply at a young age.